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发表于 2007-10-9 23:01:22
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I （我把can去掉了，这里没有必要用，太中文化了）still remember the night 6 years ago. When the curent （单词拼写错误，“现任的”应该是“current”）President of the IOC （缩写前面应该不用the） Samarach said “Beijing”（你这句话有点头重脚轻了，把“the current President of IOC”作为补语放在Samarach后面会比较好）, all the Chinese people became （“变得兴奋”动词直接用“was”就行了） very excited. We sang danced and cried. Time flies! I can’t believe that we’ll hold the 29th Olympic games just next year! I hope that it can be held succesfully. So I want to do somenthing with（这里应该用for，with是“和”的意思，你这里应该是向表达“为奥林匹克运动会做些什么”） it. , r% H: t) r8 w8 F
First （Firstly，副词表示“首先”）I want to make our cultures known by the whole world （这句话其实说得很勉强，如果是在要说把“make”换成“let”会没你们硬）. As you （用all the people会比较好）know, China is a county （拼写错误，国家应该是“country”）which has deep cultures and long history（两个词换下位置吧，悠久文明和深远文化会比较通顺，还有悠久用“centuries-old”吧）. And I think the Beijing Olympic Game （奥林匹克运动会都应该用复数“Games）is a good chance （opportunity会比较专业电）to let foreighners （拼写错误，foreigners） understand （“了解文化”用“realize”吧）our culture（注意了，要用复数）. So I determined （为什么用过去时？你以前决定的吗？用现在时吧）to try my best to learn spoken English （学说英语的翻译太中文化了，直接用“learn English”就行了）. Because English is a language spoken all around the world （全世界通用语言用“a universal language”）. So it becone more and more important to have a good knowledge of English （这句跟前面那句是递进关系，用逗号，然后用“and”就行了，“and it become”，注意拼写）. But “No pain, no gain”, it means （删掉“it means”吧，直接解释就行了） only determination is not enough, I must pain and hold on it!
; j* Z) p% E) F0 p% M0 v! ?Second （副词，secondly） I want to have （keep，不用have） a strong body. I had a dream of being （to be）a player when I was a pupil. Although now I know it can’t come true, I also shoud do sports as often as I can to keep healthy（I also often do sports in order to keep health）. Because （定冠词呢？加“the”） Chairman Mao said,”The body is the captain of revolution. （这句名言应该不是这样翻译的吧？你去哪找的？）” So if we want to make some controbution to doing with the event, we must have a healthy and strong body （看不懂这句话的意思）. I believe everyone has an interest in one kind of sports. I like playing badminton. How about you? （你写这句是“你怎么样”的意思，是一句问候语，你想说的应该是“你呢？”，应该是“What about you？”） Whatever you like, plese do it! Let’s do sports together!
' c; A1 [) [* P! pThird （副词，“Thirdly”）I want to make our environment more beautiful. We all know（As we know）, Green Olympic is one of the three themes （加上“of 29th Olympic Games”，这只是这一届的口号，应该注明）. And our government has published Green Olympic Action Plan in August in 2000 （没看懂你想说什么）. Have you ever thrown any litter onto the ground? Have you ever cut down trees? If your answers are （用单数就OK了） “Yes”, please stop doing that things （doing it） once more （once more是再一次的意思，注明能用在这里？）. Have you ever picked up some rubbish and thrown it into dustbin? Have you ever collected waste paper or bottles for recycling? Have you ever planted any trees? If you answers are （用单数） “Yes”, please hold on doing these （these 不能作指代词，用“that”吧） and encourage others to do these （这里也不行）together.) q0 M# H$ G6 o$ D/ y
I believe the 29th Olympic game （“game”大写，还要用复数） hold in Beijing will be grander （你想用比较级？more grand） and better than never （never？否定？删掉） before! And （你很喜欢用and，可是也不能随地乱用） all the people around the world will be astonish at the Beijing Olympic Game （复数）!
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我觉得看你这篇文章的老师会郁闷至死，努力吧，好好学习。 |
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